She'll Never Forget The Day She Lost Her Angel
by Gem6
Summary: Lara's thoughts and feeling a few months on from that tragic daySequel now up please read!Please R & R
1. She'll Never Forget

She'll never forget the day she lost her angel  
  
I'll never forget that day, the crash, the restaurant, his proposal, my acceptance.  
  
If only I hadn't gone to the toilet, maybe I'd have been able to save him, maybe he'd still be here beside me, as I sleep, maybe if I'd had said yes the very first time he proposed to me he'd still be here.  
  
That was the worst day of my life and I'll never ever forget it, the day my angel died, I'm still his girl, always his girl, I always will be until the day I die and we are re-united.  
  
I couldn't cope with the funeral so I chose not to go, I spent my time in the hospital, he would understand, I know he would.  
  
I visited him later though, in the memorial garden, I sat and we talked, or rather I did the talking he did the listening, I cried so much that day and in the weeks afterwards.  
  
I hated having to go to work because I knew he had spent his last moments alive there, we had worked side by side, kissed in the staff room, shared tender words in cubicle 7, that was the hardest for me, having to go into the staff room and cubicle 7.  
  
Anna helped me through it but even she didn't understand my pain and has since left, I don't know where she's gone as she hasn't kept in touch, I needed her and she left me.  
  
Duffy helped me, she promised it would get better and it has slightly but even she left, everyone I have needed and loved has left me and I don't know how much longer I can cope with it.  
  
Even now I get reminded of him, my angel. Simon on his first day 'I'm the new Patrick Spiller' I could have killed him, Harry never knew him so he doesn't understand the 'fuss' Jack knew my angel and now he's dead, maybe I'd be better off dead?  
  
Spencer the only person who stuck by me, he's my mate and I'm proud to say that. He liked Patrick and he was a great support to me in the aftermath of his death. Sadly I don't see him any more, which is a great shame. He was special.  
  
Nikki was there at the crash site, she saw us together, she smiled, she was happy that he got out alive but even now he has her own demons to cope with and won't help me with mine.  
  
Maybe I'd be better off dead, re-united with my angel  
  
Nobody here would care.  
  
I'm just another doctor, just another face in the crowd.  
  
I don't want to live anymore, please come and get me.  
  
A/N: Please Read and Review, please let me know if this brought tears to your eyes as you read this. 


	2. She'll Never Forget, The Sequel

She'll Never Forget The Day She Lost Her Angel  
  
It's now been three months since his death, I'm still not over him but I'm learning to cope.  
  
I took an overdose of Morphine at work, that's how depressed I was; sadly it failed to work, as you can see because I'm here writing this. Claire found me and Harry saved me although I don't know why. I had to apologise to Claire for the trauma incurred because she found me.  
  
Harry lost Beth, his wife a while back so he's been helping me with my demons; in fact we are helping each other.  
  
Harry has been a real rock to me after my attempted suicide, he gave me a month off to sort myself out but I found that I only needed two weeks. I stayed in bed a lot, did a lot of housework, and did a lot of thinking. I wrote masses of stuff down on paper in order to help me understand what was going on in my head.  
  
I have kept everything I wrote down in case I need it again in the future, you never know some things come in handy a few years later.  
  
I have been out a couple of times recently with Luke one of our Paramedics, he wants us to start a relationship but I'm not ready for that again, I'm still not over Patrick.  
  
I can happily say now I'm over my suicidal thoughts and feelings all thanks to Harry, he put me on Anti Depressants and they have actually helped  
  
In my darkest times I could see no way out, the only way forward for me was suicide, but now I have found a way out, I always knew deep down that there is a way out, and there is, no matter who you are or how bad you feel.  
  
I always knew, that as a doctor, I could take pills to help me but I chose the hard way, I chose to try and kill myself, thankfully it didn't work, because the world would be a duller place with out me.  
  
So, my advice to anyone reading my story, is to seek help, talk to someone anyone, it doesn't have to be someone you know, it could be anyone even an email friend you met on the web.  
  
Please don't let yourself sink the way I did, please don't value yourself as nothing. Please seek help and overcome this illness.  
  
Lara  
x 


End file.
